Lachlan passed away in January 2010.  As a memorial, this site remains as he left it.
Therefore the information on this site may not be current or accurate and should not be relied upon.
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Welcome to Lachlan Cranswick's Personal Homepage in Melbourne, Australia

Tips and Tricks for flushing British Toilets / Lavatories / Johns

(As cited in Lulu in loo-land by Brenda Schultheis - "Oddly enough, a search on the Internet provided a page on the marvels of flushing a British toilet")

Lachlan's Homepage is at http://lachlan.bluehaze.com.au/
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[The Daresbury Laboratory (in Cheshire, UK) Web Ring of Life]

Other info sent by an interested passer-bye

Also refer to:

  • BTA - British Toilet Association (Campaigning for better public toilets for all - "Let's stop the rot"): http://www.britloos.co.uk/
  • Thomas Crapper & Co. Ltd: http://www.thomas-crapper.com/
  • The Australian Government's National Public Toilet Map: http://www.toiletmap.gov.au/
  • March 01, 2004 : Public Toilet Map: http://www.ghostofaflea.com/archives/001549.html

    "Canada should follow Australia's lead and make a national public toilet map available on-line.

    The development of the Map and Website was funded by the Commonwealth Government under the National Continence Management Strategy. Although the Map will be of use to all persons requiring information about public toilets, the Government recognises that incontinence can be an isolating condition which makes travel difficult. For this reason, the Map was designed specifically to assist persons experiencing incontinence with travel and daily living arrangements."

Background

The culturally ignorant visitor to Britain's shores may be under the impression that British toilets do not flush reliably. British toilets actually can flush, but the mechanism seems optimised to the "toilet flush handle" force-velocity habits of the local populace; who are culturally blinkard and blind to the dexterity required in the use of their public and hotel conveniences.

Visitors who have not had time to co-evolve with this technology may find it daunting; as successive attempts to flush using the toilet flush handle fails in a way that would work in other countries. Thus this webpage is here to try and assist you.

Advice on how to flush a British Toilet

  1. In a decisive and authoritative manner, press down on the "toilet flush handle" applying a downward force in a manner to achieve a constant velocity such that the action is completed in .5 to .6 seconds. (To fast or slow can be the difference in achieving a successful flush of a British toilet - and using a constant velocity is not an option).

  2. Hold down "toilet flush handle" for approximately four (4) seconds.

  3. The toilet should flush on the 2nd to 3rd second.

  4. Be proud of your achievement in the skilled use of British sanitational hardware!

  5. Don't hide your sense of increased self worth. Your ability and dexterity in flushing a British toilet means you are right up there in the gene pool. Feel free to mention your success in operating complex "high-technology" British machinery to friends, colleagues and passing strangers.

  6. Buy a "I know how to flush a British toilet" T-shirt to impress your friends and family back home.

Daresbury Laboratory Web Ring of Life:
[Ordering Pizzas while at Daresbury Lab]
[Junk Food Machines of Darebsury Laboratory]
[Pubs and Restaurants around Daresbury Laboratory]
[Taxi, Bus, Train, etc - services-information slightly relevant to Daresbury Laboratory]
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[The Daresbury Laboratory (in Cheshire, UK) Web Ring of Life]
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