Dinah's Kitchen
(Also refer to the Vendtastic Burger Machine)

A 9th May 2000 test of Dinah's Kitchen with desparate late night users (as well as exhausting Dinah of meat containing substances) showed the following:

1. Sausage burger/Frankfurters are quite good and no need to hold nose while eating.
2. Beef burger (no cheese) is edible but still a requirement to hold your nose.
3. Vegi burger supposedly tastes like beef. And one comment was that it seemed to have more beef in it compared to the beef burger(?). (An unvalidated opinion).
4. Stuffed potatoes are edible but not sure what the green stuff between the potato skin and potato mash is. There was a user query how they got the ham in the potato mash.
5. No one dared try the mass of chip advertised as "chips".
6. Chicken burgers were OK but not cooked properly. Had to be given a second dose in the microwave oven.

This is the Dinah's Kitchen burger machine. For the desparate and dateless of a night, this is the place to be. It dispenses Cheese burgers, chicken burgers, mass of chips (with salt packet), and some vegetarian pies.

Advice on the Cheese burgers:

1. Insert money. (one pound at time of writing)
2. Press Cheese burger selection.
3. Avoid being overwhelmed by rank smell by holding nose
4. Eat. (They taste OK and will keep you alive until the morning!)

In the enlarged image, you might just be able to make out all the red lights under the selections. This tells you that when this photograph was taken (in the dead of night) Dinah's machine was empty - Such is it's popularity!!

Flame war on "the" dl.general newsgroup about Dinah (relating to the Daresbury Garden Gnomes)

Chocolate vending machine

(9th May 2000 update: Chocolate machine now seems to be vending chocolate. Including the 55p large chocolate bars - hurrah!!)

The Chocolate vending machine has a mysterious life and may actually be a disguised alien life-form from another universe. This is based on it's ability to be out of pretty much out of everything throughout the entire year. A pity as the 55p large chocolate bars are the only good way of getting a decent hit to keep you going until the morning. (I am more a chocolate person. Though the "Scott Droid (TM)" and "Thiti Droid (TM)" (often seen on beamline 9.1) are unabashed Dinah's Kitchen burger machine addicts.

The mainstay junk food workhorse of the laboratory, this will vend chips (called crisps in the UK) and chocolate. Occassionally other exotic selections are added to the list such as health food bars.

Please do not try and destroy the machine if the bar you have selected gets stuck while dispensing. This vital machine is under 24hour guard via a video link.

Sandwich machine

From Exceptionally Desparate UK Expats (living in the land of the Knuckle-Draggers) pining for those foul tasting Pot Noodles (Link 2)

"I've been searching like a harpy trying to find where I can get Pot Noodles in Melbourne - someone at the UK Club said there was a UK produce distribution company online that would surely stock them. At Google.com, I searched, and searched, and the closest I got was your site. A Welsh friend of mine is dying for lack of Pot Noodle - can you help me?

===============

To: lachlan@melbpc.org.au
Subject: Pot Noodles
Date: Sat, 19 Jun 2004 15:02:07 +1000

Hi,
Did you ever find a source of Pot Noodles in Australia as i too, am missing my Pot Noodles?
Cheers,

===============

For those desparate to buy Pot Noodles

The Sandwich machine will also vend milk (full blooded and semi-skimmed), yogurt, orange drink, flavoured milk (not recommended, and definitely not suitable as a pure milk substitute for flavouring tea), pies/pasties/sausage rolls (not recommended unless about to die of starvation - 18 months after trying a cornish pastie, I still feel ill when thinking thinking about the experience), and Pot-Noodles.

Pot noodles should be considered a last resort as well (there is a boiling hot water dispensor in the junk food room) as the foul taste can linger in your mouth for days after (it tastes of no "real" noodles I have ever had!).

A recent pleasant addition to the sandwich machine is American style chocolate chip cookies ("cookies" are really called "biscuits" when spoken in a civilised language) which are very nice.

One suggestion with respect the ham/ham and cheese sandwiches is to toast them on the grill (described below). Use the second level on the grill as the sandwiches can get stuck in the top level of the grill as they curl up on cooking.

Coke Machine

Refer:Daresbury Laboratory Coke Machine of Shame Page (DLSMOS)

This Coke machine will dispense Coca Cola, Fanta and other lesser things like Diet Coke, Sprite, etc.

The Coke machine stays under close scrutany and if it runs out on anything, you can be pretty much assured that a DLCMOS (Daresbury Laboratory Coke Machine Of Shame) alert will soon appear on the dl.general newsgroup.

The various "known" DLCMOS alert statuses are:

• DEFCON 3a - Coke machine out of Fanta
• DEFCON 2 - Rumour of Coke Machine being out of Coke
• DEFCON 1 - Coke Machine out of Coke
• DEFCON 0 - Coke Machine out of anything drinkable and only has Diet Coke remaining

There is a weed of death dispensor next to the Coke Machine.

Method of operation:

1. Insert money.
2. Select brand of death.
3. Slowly die as dictated by custom and norm. Being guided on the way by a fantasy aspirational life-style inspired by cigarette advertisements.

The last time I tried to use this over a year ago in 1998, two 1 pound coins got eaten with no change being given. Thus do not know if it still does this but it is not impossible that this machine is in league with the Devil.