Lachlan passed away in January 2010.  As a memorial, this site remains as he left it.
Therefore the information on this site may not be current or accurate and should not be relied upon.
For more information follow this link


(This Webpage Page in No Frames Mode)

Welcome to Lachlan Cranswick's Personal Homepage in Melbourne, Australia

Another Hard Hitting LMDC Expose (updated December 2002)

An Assessment of the despair.com website - including other examples of the seedy world of motivational plaques and motivational posters

Lachlan's Homepage is at http://lachlan.bluehaze.com.au

[Back to Lachlan's Homepage] | [What's New on Lachlan's Page] | [F'dCompany.com Expose] | [Despair.com Expose]

[Intro - CranClan] . . [Happening Things] . . [The Daresbury Laboratory Web Ring of Life] . . [NCS - Non-Competitive Scrabble] . . [Garden Gnomes of Daresbury Laboratory] . . [Nature and Local UK Things] . . [USA 2001 and LDEO Columbia University] . . [Historical Literature/Poetry] . . [Music] . . [Misc Things] . . [DL SRS Status] . . [Conference and Travel Things] . . [The Wonders of Team Building] . . [Other People's Homepages] . . [Crystallographic Internet Front] . . [While in Melbourne] . . [Semi Relevant Links]

The Despair 2003 Calendar

The Despair 2003 Calendar

Featuring: Flattery | Get To Work | Goals | Individuality | Intimidation | Leaders | Limitations | Meetings | Motivation | Planning | Strife | and a calendar exclusive, Change


The Despair 2002 Calendar

The Despair 2002 Calendar

Featuring Arrogance, Consulting, Demotivation, Elitism, Fear, Hazards, Irresponsibility, Overconfidence, Risks, Sacrifice and TWO previously unreleased Demotivators, "Assumptions" and "Indifference"!

Despair.com business Calendar
(meant to make especially good gifts for "Disaffected college students")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/year20cal.html)

  • "Our Year 2001 (12" x 11") Wall Calendar includes all 12 of our latest Demotivators designs and also recounts over 100 pessimistic, idiotic, or lamentable days in human history! Tales of unfathomable incompetence... Of legendary miscalculation... Of pitiable misfortune... And of almost stupifying hubris..."

  • "Featuring Blame, Bitterness, Cluelessness, Dare to Slack, Delusions, Disloyalty, Disservice, Dysfunction, Incompetence, Ignorance, Insanity and Pretension."

Adversity Poster

Adversity
("That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/adversity.html)

Doubt
("In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world")
( http://www.despair.com/doubt.html)

Burnout
("Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.")
( http://www.despair.com/burnout.html)

Dare to Slack
("When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half their effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/daretoslack.html)

Bitterness
("Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweat dreams.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/bitterness.html)

Laziness
("Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.")
( http://www.despair.com/laziness.html)

Procrastination
("Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.")
( http://www.despair.com/proc24x30pri.html)

Agony
("Not all pain is gain")
( http://www.despair.com/ag24x30prin.html)

Blame
("The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/blame.html)

Incompetence
("When you honestly believe you can compenstate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/incompetence.html)

Idiocy
("Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups")
( http://www.despair.com/idiocy.html)

Underachievement
("The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower")
( http://www.despair.com/un.html)

Mediocrity
("It takes a lot less time, and people won't notice the difference until it's too late.")
( http://www.despair.com/med24x30prin.html)

Mistakes
("It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.")
( http://www.despair.com/mis24x30prin.html)

Misfortune
("When good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses")
( http://www.despair.com/misfortune.html)

Trouble
("Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young")
( http://www.despair.com/trouble.html)

Despair
("It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black")
( http://www.despair.com/despair.html)

Ignorance
("It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/ignorance.html)

Disloyalty
("There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices")
( http://www.despair.com/disloyalty.html)

Delusions
("There is no greater joy than soaring high on the waves of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/delusions.html)

The Relentless Pursuit of Dejection(tm)
("Oppressive and patronizing banners help Despair, Inc. turn employees into 'little people'")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/info.html)

Arrogance
("The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option brute intimidation works pretty well too.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/arrogance.html)

Consulting
("If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/consulting.html)

Elitism
("It's lonely at the top. But it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/elitism.html)

Fear
("Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/fear.html)

Hazards
("There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty, miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/hazards.html)

Irresponsibility
("No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/ir.html)

Overconfidence
("Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you can survive the odds beating you.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/overconfidence.html)

Sacrifice
("Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.")
( http://www.despair.com/demotivators/sacrifice.html)


More Traditional Motivational Plaques, Motivational Posters and Motivational Prints

(Possibly the site Despair.com used for templates)

"Looking for Ways to Stimulate Performance Improvement?"

Synergize
("There is synergy in the aspen grove. The trees are connected by a system of roots; each tree draws strength from the others. The grove is more than the sum of its individual parts one plus one equals three or more")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=4&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Sharpen the Saw
("Renew and enhance the greatest asset you have - you.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=4&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Think Win-Win
("Win-Win is a belief in the Third Alternative. Itís not your way or my way; itís a better way. A higher way.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=4&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood
("The key to understanding is listening with the eyes and the heart.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=4&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Begin with the End in Mind
("We are more in need of a vision or destination, and in less need of a map. Leaders create their own destiny by following their internal compass. They make life a mission, not just a career.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=4&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Vision
("Vision is not seeing things as they are, but as they will be.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=5&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Quality
("Individually and together we must yield only the finest, our signature is the assurance of quality.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=5&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Goals
("Destiny is not a matter of chance, itís a matter of choice.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=5&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Success
("Success is a journey, not a destination.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=5&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Ideals are like stars
("Ideals are like stars. You will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you reach your destiny." - Carl Schurz )
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=2&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Wisdom
("Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Attitude
("A positive attitude is a powerful force.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Teamwork
("Many hands, many minds, one goal.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Communication
("Build bridges, not walls.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Customer Service
("Always give the customer more than they expect.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Teamwork Airplane
("It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Commitment
("Commitment is what transforms a promise into a reality.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Keys to Success
("Expect more than others think is possible; dream more than others think is practical; risk more than others think is safe")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Change
("The only thing that remains constant is change.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Window of Opportunity
("An obstacle to one is an opportunity to another.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Momentum
("It is not of importance where we stand, but in what direction we are moving")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=1&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Quality Grapes
("The bitterness of poor quality lingers long after the sweetness of a bargain is forgotten.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=1&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)

Persistence
("Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not, un-rewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not, the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.")
( http://www.leadershipdevelopment.com/leadershop/merchant.ihtml?id=1&step=2)
( http://leadershipdevelopment.com/main/html/leadershop.html)


More More Traditional Motivational Plaques, Motivational Posters and Motivational Prints

From ACHIEVEMENT to WORKING TOGETHER
(From 100PlusPosters the Art Expressed Motivational Site )
( http://www.100plusposters.com/html/grid-1txt.htm)
( http://www.100plusposters.com/html/grid-2txt.htm)

Motivational Mouse Pads and Moticational Gifts
(From Office Innovations)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/mei36130.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/office-supplies-general-office-awards-motivational-gifts.html)

Attitude
("Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one willing to do the dare")
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/mei36102.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/office-supplies-general-office-awards-motivational-gifts.html)

Be Proactive
("Proactive people carry their own weather with them--whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them. Their honor is greater than their moods")
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/avt78156.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/office-supplies-general-office-awards-motivational-gifts.html)

Motiviational posters, proverbs, etc.
( http://www.allposters.com/)
( http://www.allposters.com/cat/cat611.htm)

Posters, Posters
( http://www.imagesofsuccess.net/)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/office-supplies-general-office-awards-motivational-gifts.html)

Motivational Posters and Prints
( http://www.allposters.com/)
( http://www.allposters.com/cat/cat611.htm)

Motivational Posters and Prints
( http://www.imagesofsuccess.net/)
( http://store.yahoo.com/oioffice/office-supplies-general-office-awards-motivational-gifts.html)

Motivational Posters and Prints
( http://www.artinspires.com/)
( http://www.artinspires.com/alpha.asp)

Opportunity
("The block of granite which was an obstacle in the path of the weak, becomes a stepping stone in the path of the strong.")
( http://www.artinspires.com/alphaDetail.asp?id=Opportunity)
( http://www.artinspires.com/alpha.asp)

Teamwork
("When we all work together, we all win together.")
( http://www.artinspires.com/alphaDetail.asp?id=Teamwork)
( http://www.artinspires.com/alpha.asp)

Excellence
("The will to do, the soul to dare.")
( http://www.artinspires.com/alphaDetail.asp?id=Excellence)
( http://www.artinspires.com/alpha.asp)


Motivational Plaques, Motivational Posters and Motivational Prints: Motivational Pet Prints

Satisfaction
("Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It is not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it." - Margaret Thatcher)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/satisfaction.html)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/motpos.html)

Great Things
("All who have accomplished great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible." - Orison Swett Marden)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/greatthings.html)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/motpos.html)

Patience
("I am extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end." - Margaret Thatcher)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/patience.html)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/motpos.html)

Sunshine
("Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows" - Helen Keller)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/sunshine.html)
( http://www.interplanetarypets.com/motpos.html)


More More Traditional Motivational Plaques, Motivational Posters and Motivational Prints

Motivational Leadership Plaque
("Lead with vision and soar to new heights")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motleadplaq.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq.html)

Motivational Teamwork Plaque
("Success is achieved when all parts work together")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/noname4.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq.html)

Motivational Achievement Plaque
("The sky is the limit when your heart is in it.")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motacplaq.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq.html)

Soar Motivational Plaque
("No individual soars too high if they soar with their own abilities")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/soarmotplaq.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq.html)

No Goals, No Glory Plaque
("No Goals, No Glory")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/noname8.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq1.html)

Expect to Win Plaque
("Expect to Win")
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/extowinplaq.html)
( http://store.yahoo.com/ffaunlimited/motplaq1.html)


DESPAIR,INC. WINS 1ST PLACE IN NATIONAL CALENDAR COMPETITION, MASSIVE CUSTOMER PROTESTS ENSUE

  • "E.L. Kersten, Ph.D. bombards dissatisfied customers with demoralized employees"
  • "Disperse, chronic losers, your protests are doomed to fail, as are all your efforts!", yelled Kersten at the pathetic mob, "You are only succeeding at lowering the property value!"
  • When Kersten was unable to disperse the crowd with threats and insults, he finally decided to strike back by hurling nameless employees of Despair, Inc., or 'little people', off of the terrace and down at the masses. His ten-year personal secretary and longtime confidante, "Hey You", said of the bombardments, "It has always been his secret dream to crush his dissatisfied customers with his demoralized employees." :

"Despair, Inc., liberally employs both satire and parody throughout its website and products. Articles and items appearing in our "Corporate Spin" are, as designated, satire and not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the persons or companies depicted.

Dr. E.L. Kersten is Despair, Incorporated's COO, cofounder and principle advocate, and should not be inferred to be a product of fiction. No Awards, Customer Endorsements, or Testimonials are works of fiction."


[Intro - CranClan] . . [Happening Things] . . [The Daresbury Laboratory Web Ring of Life] . . [NCS - Non-Competitive Scrabble] . . [Garden Gnomes of Daresbury Laboratory] . . [Nature and Local UK Things] . . [USA 2001 and LDEO Columbia University] . . [Historical Literature/Poetry] . . [Music] . . [Misc Things] . . [DL SRS Status] . . [Conference and Travel Things] . . [The Wonders of Team Building] . . [Other People's Homepages] . . [Crystallographic Internet Front] . . [While in Melbourne] . . [Semi Relevant Links]
[Back to Lachlan's Homepage] | [What's New on Lachlan's Page] | [F'dCompany.com Expose] | [Despair.com Expose]

(This Webpage Page in No Frames Mode)

If you are feeling sociable, my email address is lachlan@melbpc.org.au